Advice for families about children visiting a person who is dying

The following information may be helpful to families when considering children visiting a person who is dying, particularly in a hospital or palliative care unit. Advice may vary for different age groups.

• Suggest to the parents that it would help the child to see the person who is dying, particularly if the child requests it; what they imagine may be more traumatic than the reality. Adolescents, in particular, may be trying to process what is happening to their family member.
• Parents should follow the child’s lead—if the child wants to visit, this should be honoured if possible (keep in mind that the dying person might not want the child to visit). If the child does not want to visit, this too should be honoured but consider exploring the reasons why they do not want to.
• It can be helpful to provide information to the child just before the visit; for example, warn them that the person may be very sleepy or have other symptoms (eg pain, shortness of breath), or their appearance may have changed. Answering questions or concerns is important.
• Parents may consider having another family member (eg grandparent, aunt, uncle) or good friend present to support the child (friends of the family can be helpful because they may be less emotionally involved).
• Explain to parents how children might behave when visiting someone in hospital or a palliative care unit. Young children may want to engage in physical play and only be able to spend a short period in a confined room. They may need to bring something into the room to allow them to disengage from the emotional intensity (eg colouring-in for young children, electronic devices for older children).
• If the child does not visit the dying person, it is important to involve them in other aspects of the family’s grieving (eg providing updates on how the patient is going, attending the funeral). The child may feel more comfortable using recording devices or video chat to connect with the dying person. They might feel guilty about not visiting, and giving them an alternative, less traumatic way to be part of the process can reduce such feelings.
• Let parents know that support from staff may be available when children are visiting a hospital or palliative care unit (eg from a social worker, psychologist, nurse, volunteer). Prior arrangements may need to be made.

For advice on talking about death and dying with children, see Talking about death and dying with children.