Children’s responses to death
Just as with adults, the expression of grief in children is a highly individualised experience. Children can display a range of bereavement responses including sadness, fear, guilt, insecurity and behavioural problems. Responses may be based on a child’s understanding of death; see Children’s understanding of the concepts of death. Children’s grieving can also be influenced by family dynamics, the supports available, the nature of the illness and death, and reactions of those around them. Some children experience delayed bereavement reactions that manifest at other important times in their life, for example, when changing schools or starting high school.
Reactions of preschoolers to someone close to them dying may include rapidly alternating between crying and playing happily, or they may hardly seem to react at all. They may experience separation anxiety, irritability, withdrawal or developmental regression (eg bed wetting, sleeping difficulties). Young children may be bewildered and physically search for the deceased, and incorporate death and grief into play activities (eg re-enacting the person’s death, playing ‘funerals’).
School-age children may react with denial, sadness, withdrawal, guilt, anger or aggressive or oppositional behaviour or there may be no apparent reaction. They can experience disturbed sleep or appetite, deterioration in school performance, or may refuse to go to school. Older children may be concerned about what their peers think and be anxious about being seen as different. Some children may wish to die to be reunited with the dead person.
Adolescents are able to reason and conceptualise abstract ideas, and they express their grief in similar ways to adults—see Features of grief. However, notions of omnipotence and immortality during this phase of development make death hard to accept. Adolescents may become oppositional and impulsive, and engage in risk-taking behaviour. Questions are more likely to focus on spiritual issues. Adolescents often seek support from peers rather than family members; peer support groups may help—for details, see Grief and bereavement resources.